The Big Show

Philly. Otherwise known as (depending on your generation) CoreStates USPRO Cycling Championships, First Union USPRO Cycling Championships, Wachovia USPRO Cycling Championships, Philadelphia International Championship, Liberty Classic and, this year, the Parx Casino Philly Cycling Classic.

The race dates back to 1985 - when I was sporting my sister's yellow banana-seat huffy on the neighborhood streets. My history with the race started in 2009, when my former team was accepted into the race. Unfortunately, a mishap at Tour of Somerville relegated me to the caravan in the team car for the big event. While it looked super hard and super hot and the girls were killing themselves out there - I still wanted to post up in the big show. Yeah, we're masochistic like that.

Fast forward a few years - an ugly crash, a couple years out of racing and a "comeback" season in masters racing. Out of the blue, Kelley and I were asked to guest-ride with Riptide Cyclng/Team EPS p/b Shebell & Shebell. This was an amazing and unexpected surprise. I guess surprises are usually unexpected but you get my point.

I drove up to Kelley's place early on Saturday. Traffic at that time in the morning was a breeze, mostly because the people smarter than me are still asleep. As soon as I pulled into her neighborhood, my "service engine soon" light came on. Sigh. Then I get out of the car to realize that my remote key lock doesn't work. Double sigh. I hate when things don't work.

Some of the other girls arrived -introductions were made and immediate logistics were discussed as we pulled ourselves together to check out the course and open up the legs after the drive. We were 20mins out when Kelley's phone started ringing off the hook with registration issues. We turned around to high-tail it back to get to race HQ. Just as we were getting to the house, we got a call saying we didn't need to go to HQ. We turned around again to head to Lemon Hill. We got up the hill and ... one of the girls had a flat. She was riding deep dish rims and we didn't have a tube with a long valve - not for lack of effort, though - two tubes and 3 CO2's later Kelley and I did a TT back to her house to pick up a car to grab the girls we left on Lemon Hill.Then we had to get my car to the BMW dealer to find out what was wrong and whether I could go home.

I'm exhausted just writing about it.

Speaking of valves, the BMW dealer said I had a faulty hooter valve. I interrupted to say "ok, now you're just making stuff up". He appreciated my sense of humor but proceeded to tell me why it's called a hooter valve. Apparently it "hoots" during a diagnostics test when it goes bad. I digress. FINALLY, we got back to Kelley's where another guest rider (Stephanie) arrived with her husband (Jon) after a marathon drive down to Philly. They returned after a quick ride to de-stress and Ken, another of the Riptide Cycling crew, arrived to affix transponders and frame numbers on bikes. Jon, a bike mechanic by trade, was awesome and helped all of us with various bike adjustments.

Dinner was at a phenomenal place named Winnie's, right down the hill from home-base. A fabulous Salmon Nicoise dinner later, I was about done for the day. We shared rooms at race HQ (Thank you, Riptide Cycling/Team EPS!) so we retired there for a good night's sleep. Of course, not many of us really slept and the alarm went off early for the 830 start time.

Race day. A quick warm up in Kelley's parking lot after a quick breakfast and we were off. Luckily, registration was only a block or two away. We arrived when it opened to register the team. Then, we wait. I loved seeing some friendly faces in the crowd - clearly surprised to see me there as I hadn't really made it public that it might even be a possibility. See my prior post about not claiming goals out-loud. Lineup was supposed to be at 815 but teams were already at the line at 805 - I learned *some* lessons from Speed Week and knew I didn't want to start at the back. I inched up every chance I had and wound up in a decent position. Then, we wait again. The start line was at the top of the "Wall" so we couldn't even relax on the bike - we would have rolled backward. FINALLY, call ups came along and girls shuffled through the pack to get the front line. Then, music got louder and whistles blew and before I knew it, we were descending off the wall into the first right turn. I distinctly remember thinking to myself - holy crap .... this is really happening!!

The pace was hard but steady and I was working on moving my way around in the pack. Pick up a spot or two, find an opening and stick myself in it, stay away from squirrely wheels ... I have to admit I was fairly happy with myself. After the descent, we had a few ups and downs until we got on the flat of Kelly drive. The race promoters had cones on the center line (the course went both ways on that road) which caused some near misses as you couldn't see the cones unelss you were in the front. There was some melee behind me but I don't know if it was an actual incident - I never looked back.

We made our way up Lemon Hill and I played the rope-game - start near the front and try to grab onto wheels if (when) I drift back. I'm happy to say that I survived the climb and was rewarded with a fun downhill into a semi-tight right turn back onto Kelly drive.The pace slowed a tick and, with the cones removed (thank you, race promoter), we essentially had 4 lanes to maneuver. I was getting squeezed in the middle so I drifted back to run up the right side. Then - it happened. Again, I don't know WHAT, but I heard bikes and bodies colliding diagonal and on the left ahead of me. This happened in the top 20ish riders. I was near the front but off to the right so as bikes slid right, I was just ahead of the melee. For once in my racing career, I managed to be in the RIGHT place at the RIGHT time.

The wreck was like an explosion in the pack. I stood up to catch on to those that were ahead of the crash and saw Stephanie ahead making a huge effort to get on as well. I finally made contact after chasing what was left and tried to catch my breath - timing was impeccable (note: heavy sarcasm) as we made the right turn into the cobbles and the quick left to start the legendary climb up "The Wall". I was ok at my pace but these girls had no interest in slowing down for me. I became unhinged right before the top and chased down hill. Another group came by me and some friendlies encouraged me to latch on. I just couldn't hold a wheel (sound familiar to my speed week report?). I lost them and continued to chase - the wind was ... wow. Good time trial practice, I suppose. Some more riders came up - clearly having been in the crash. The entire Fearless Femme (FF) squad was caught up in the wreck and those able to ride were killing it to catch up. I sat on another friendly (Thanks Erin!) for a half minute before being dropped. Up Lemon Hill and back down Kelly Drive and another FF motioned for me to get off the right side of the road - I was clearly in deficit as I didn't realize I was on the wrong side of the road. I saw Kelley going by the other direction and was relieved that she was not part of the carnage.

Philly 2013 Post-race

I held on to the FF and gave her everything I had - short pulls to give her a second of rest. When I told her I couldn't do more, she said anything was good and thanked me for the short respite. I think she was just being nice because I can't believe I did anything but slow her down.

Finally went through the cobbles again and started the climb up the wall. I hoped they wouldn't pull me yet, another lap wouldn't have killed me. Going up the wall is painful and amazing at the same time. Cowbells are ringing, people are shouting encouragement and yelling your name. The sheer volume is worth a few more watts, another pedal turn. Billy, SuperDave, Stokely, Ted, Greg, the awesome volunteers out in the middle of the road shouting at you to go- you've got it- go get it. Other girls coming up with me telling me to keep going. It was like everything going too fast but in slow motion. I know that makes no sense but words can't describe the scene.

I rounded the turn to the top where the Start/Finish line was and saw the official in the middle of the road. I nodded my understanding and pulled off at the corner. Team director Teresa was there and gave me the lowdown on the damage- the 3 team riders on EPS had been caught up in the crash. Two were out of the race and another was still in, just making time. Stephanie was in the 2nd group on the road, Kelley was coming up behind me. Then I heard that Alexis, she of NCVC, she who has really become a rockstar this year, broke her collarbone pretty badly. I was very sad for her. I saw ABRT in one of the chase groups the next go round and another ABRT a little ways off in a smaller group. Very proud of our local contingent. Remember, these are the PRO'S - national champions, USACRITS leaders, Fearless Femme, Colavita - the superstars of women's racing. And I got to play for a lap or two with them while some other locals were able to stay in longer and really represent themselves, their teams and the district.

I can now say I raced Philly. Given my difficulties this season, I'm ok with the result. I want to go back and I want to do better - hopefully that opportunity will present itself next year.

Back to the Drawing Board

I began the 2013 race season in October when I declared 2012 a relative success after two years off and upped the ante to include Speed Week as my main goal for the 2013 season. It's tough for me to actually vocalize goals for fear of failure and subsequent embarrassment. Someday I hope to mature enough to accept the odds that we'll probably fail more than we'll succeed in this life and, well, stuff happens. In the meantime, I keep most of my goals in my head without ever breathing a word out loud.

So, off-season training started in earnest and I had the benefit of 2 weeks in between jobs to train like a pro. Things were right on track. I was having fun on group rides and playing with some of the boys. THIS was what I was looking for- to feel fast again, to be able to play again. Then something strange happened - strange because I wasn't expecting it, though in hindsight it makes complete sense. I had trouble hanging with the "B" ride at Camp. I couldn't hold on to the masters guys as long as the other girls did at Morgantown. I had trouble at Black Hills (though that was somewhat due to a crash right in front of me). I got dropped at Jeff Cup after the neutralization. I couldn't go with the final lap accelerations in local circuit races. I couldn't hold the wheels on training rides that I was holding two months ago.

Speed week was coming up and I was a bit panicked. I was assured and re-assured that it will come, it will come quickly and I'll be playing again in no time. Off I went to the week of racing with the big girls. Believe me, I knew I was not a pro, nor did I expect to compete with those super-fast-girls. I just wanted to be able to race, to be able to hold wheels and get in the speed work that I knew came with that kind of racing. I'd come back FLYING after that!

Day 1 started with Tour de Moore - a fantastic course and a huge payout for the women - thank you for that!! Once again, I was fine during the race but the final acceleration left me behind. On to Roswell- the first race with the big-girls. Pouring rain and I was timid in corners on painted lines. Stayed in about 20mins or so before being pulled. I was ok with it, given the conditions. Next race, Tybee Island. Fun race! At least for the 15mins that I stayed in before being pulled. Walterboro was up next - this is one of the races I actually finished when I did this series in 2008. Took about 15mins to be pulled. Mind you, they only pulled when you were about to get lapped so that gives you some indication of my speed vs the peloton.

After a travel day, Spartanburg was my last race - because I pulled the plug after being dismissed in a record 9mins.

I would be lying if I didn't admit that there were tears - a lot of them - and something pretty close to heartbreak. I put in so much time, diligently did hours on end and only missed a workout or two when I was sick. I sent whiney messages to my coach, who asked frustrating questions like where I lined up or whether I was over-geared - these questions were irrelevant in my mind because I didn't get dropped because of position or gearing. I simply did not have the legs, did not have the acceleration, did not have the speed. I used to pride myself on being able to hold onto a wheel - you really had to kill yourself to get away. Now people were riding away from me like I was pedaling backwards.

About mid-week the issue was revealed. There was an obvious hole in my training that didn't work the weakness that I was well aware of and that was clearly defined months ago. Why we were finding this out in the middle of my goal-week, after 5 months of training toward this goal? Why were my previous concerns overlooked and brushed off?

These are the questions I had to ask and I was not necessarily comforted by the answer. After killing 5 valuable days of vacation time from work, spending $$ on hotels/entry fees etc and being unhappy/disappointed the entire week, I didn't want to see my bike. I didn't want to be seen by anyone who would ask how Speed Week went. I didn't want to have to suffer the humiliation - all the training, all the build up and this was my result. I felt like a complete failure. I tried but couldn't do the workouts assigned for that week and finally realized that I was too far gone - I didn't have the heart to trust that my time and effort would be rewarded with progress/results.

The question I now have is this:  how much accountability do I have in my training if I'm paying someone to work with me? If I'm responsive, I ask questions and let my concerns be known, have I played my part? Should I have questioned more, pushed back more?

I know this particular coach has had good success with other athletes - and as a side note, I think this coach is an awesome person - maybe I just require a different kind of training? But, it's all numbers, right? The numbers don't lie.

Is it fair to hold a coach accountable for a huge hole in your training program when it compromises your season goal?

Can I start over - is there any point to that given that the season will be mostly over by the time I catch up to everyone else?

So, that's where I am. I'm not done for the season; I've let go of the bitterness and most of the heartache that came with this experience. But, I'm kind of flying blind without declaring a goal - probably because I'm afraid to.

TGIF - 4/19/2013

The Carl Dolan Memorial Race - we hate it but we love it. I hear people speak of this race with both opinions, sometimes in the same sentence. The things we love include the class that DC Velo always puts into their events, the recovery tent (complete with Nutella, the nectar of the gods), the fun lead cars, the quick results and random touches like Ryan running around in a Curious George outfit asking if we're curious about clean energy. The things we hate - well, hate is a pretty strong word, so lets just call it the things we don't love: the inevitable headwind on the backside of the course, the fact that the course makes it so hard to shed weaker riders, that godforsaken turn at the bottom where everyone (at least in my experience) hits the brakes and causes a domino effect in the field, and the inevitable terrible crash(s) that happen(s) every year.

Some teams make this their goal race with all hands on deck. This year, many raced a partial squad with teammates disbursed to Battenkill. There are always the one-offs and, with Evolution, the two-off. We staged a decent field of Senior Women with a solid Novice women starting a minute behind us. Unlike most years, the race started at the gun with American University dragging the field in single-file for the first lap and a half. This was not going to be the normal cookie-ride to the sprint. When AU pulled off, we had various volunteers to keep the pace fairly high. ABRT had 3 in the field and staged more than one attack and counter attack move. We (Kelley and I) were glued to their respective wheels with a keen eye on Artemis, who has won just about every race she's entered this year. A few laps in they called a prime so I thought it might be a good time to test out the legs. I wanted to gauge that hill and how long I could hold a sprint. (I use the word "sprint" very loosely here). 

The test was a good one -I figured out that if I went before 400m, I couldn't hold the power to the line. Good to know.

At one point toward the end of the race, ABRT launched an attack that turned into the makings of a break - all teams were represented and once we had a gap, I thought it might stick. Unfortunately, no one wanted to commit and after about a half a lap, we all came back together.

Kelley and I covered the attacks that looked dangerous but otherwise tried to stay out of the wind. By the end of the race, we were both in good position through the last turn. The field played chicken as we came up the hill until the 500m line. I found myself on the left side as the field surged. Unfortunately, everyone wanted to be on the left so I was trapped in traffic. I saw Kelley fly up the right side as I finally cleared a line. She had a gap and would have taken the "W" - but had an asthma attack 100m from the line. She coasted in for 5th as I cleared the line in 8th place.

We'll take the top 5 and top 10 for now ... but we're gunning for more.