Back in the Saddle ... Again

I have to admit that I had lost that lovin' feelin' (for the bike) over the past few months. A little tired of being a comeback kid, wondering why I'm suffering so much, wondering why I am spending so much time and money on this sport and wondering how it was ever "fun" in the first place. I hung up the bike, knowing full well that there was a chance I might never get back to it again.

Taking a few steps back, I got some perspective. I've figured out the madness that is bike racing sets in slowly - boundaries get pushed little by little until your life completely revolves around the sport. I don't know exactly when it happened but it definitely happened that way for me. I was having FUN and the suffering was well worth the reward. Teammates were friends, on and off the bike, and it was all for one and one for all. I realize now how unique and special that was and I wish I had appreciated it more at the time.

When the sport bites you once or twice (actually, it's usually the pavement, other riders or other bikes that do the biting but you get the point) you get fired up to go back at it harder, faster, more. I thrive on those situations - you know, the overcoming against all odds thing.

After a while, though, even that loses appeal. Overcoming WHAT exactly? After a couple of back-to-back, season-ending injuries and all the bike drama a girl can take, I had to wonder if all the suffering and re-suffering was worth it, knowing that everything can change in a millisecond and often through no fault of your own. Yes, being in the wrong place in the pack is considered your own damn fault and I take that but really - look across the start line in your next race and process that your safety is in the hands of each of those people. Scary, no?

After the TOC, I was more than a little inspired to go fast again. My first local race as a spectator was BikeJam, which didn't do anything for my whole aversion-to-crashes thing. At the end of the big-boy race, the EMT tent looked like a war-zone. Thankfully I didn't actually SEE the actual fiasco - just the aftermath.

A nice spin through Ellicott City the next day and an awesome ride up and around Mt. Weather on Memorial Day helped a lot. I was mortified to be sucking wind so badly but also started to see progress - a good motivator.

This past weekend I was a spectator at the RSR race in Va. Toward the end of the big-boy race, Jose (XO/Battley Harley) landed on the ground right in front of us. It's a small miracle that no one ran over him as he was splayed out on the pavement in the middle of the course just after the last turn. Watching the whole thing unfold, I literally felt ill - scared for Jose as riders were dodging him on the course while also revisiting the scars from my last incident. Jose is a solid, well respected and motivated rider - it can really happen to anyone. For the record, I have it on good authority that he's no worse for the wear - definitely a relief.

I've recovered quickly from bad bike incidents before but I think this last one will need more time and patience if I want to get back to racing. I will not race timid - that's a bad recipe for everyone involved.

In the meantime, I am going to get busy working on my panda-tan and getting that lovin' feelin' back.