Back to the Drawing Board

I began the 2013 race season in October when I declared 2012 a relative success after two years off and upped the ante to include Speed Week as my main goal for the 2013 season. It's tough for me to actually vocalize goals for fear of failure and subsequent embarrassment. Someday I hope to mature enough to accept the odds that we'll probably fail more than we'll succeed in this life and, well, stuff happens. In the meantime, I keep most of my goals in my head without ever breathing a word out loud.

So, off-season training started in earnest and I had the benefit of 2 weeks in between jobs to train like a pro. Things were right on track. I was having fun on group rides and playing with some of the boys. THIS was what I was looking for- to feel fast again, to be able to play again. Then something strange happened - strange because I wasn't expecting it, though in hindsight it makes complete sense. I had trouble hanging with the "B" ride at Camp. I couldn't hold on to the masters guys as long as the other girls did at Morgantown. I had trouble at Black Hills (though that was somewhat due to a crash right in front of me). I got dropped at Jeff Cup after the neutralization. I couldn't go with the final lap accelerations in local circuit races. I couldn't hold the wheels on training rides that I was holding two months ago.

Speed week was coming up and I was a bit panicked. I was assured and re-assured that it will come, it will come quickly and I'll be playing again in no time. Off I went to the week of racing with the big girls. Believe me, I knew I was not a pro, nor did I expect to compete with those super-fast-girls. I just wanted to be able to race, to be able to hold wheels and get in the speed work that I knew came with that kind of racing. I'd come back FLYING after that!

Day 1 started with Tour de Moore - a fantastic course and a huge payout for the women - thank you for that!! Once again, I was fine during the race but the final acceleration left me behind. On to Roswell- the first race with the big-girls. Pouring rain and I was timid in corners on painted lines. Stayed in about 20mins or so before being pulled. I was ok with it, given the conditions. Next race, Tybee Island. Fun race! At least for the 15mins that I stayed in before being pulled. Walterboro was up next - this is one of the races I actually finished when I did this series in 2008. Took about 15mins to be pulled. Mind you, they only pulled when you were about to get lapped so that gives you some indication of my speed vs the peloton.

After a travel day, Spartanburg was my last race - because I pulled the plug after being dismissed in a record 9mins.

I would be lying if I didn't admit that there were tears - a lot of them - and something pretty close to heartbreak. I put in so much time, diligently did hours on end and only missed a workout or two when I was sick. I sent whiney messages to my coach, who asked frustrating questions like where I lined up or whether I was over-geared - these questions were irrelevant in my mind because I didn't get dropped because of position or gearing. I simply did not have the legs, did not have the acceleration, did not have the speed. I used to pride myself on being able to hold onto a wheel - you really had to kill yourself to get away. Now people were riding away from me like I was pedaling backwards.

About mid-week the issue was revealed. There was an obvious hole in my training that didn't work the weakness that I was well aware of and that was clearly defined months ago. Why we were finding this out in the middle of my goal-week, after 5 months of training toward this goal? Why were my previous concerns overlooked and brushed off?

These are the questions I had to ask and I was not necessarily comforted by the answer. After killing 5 valuable days of vacation time from work, spending $$ on hotels/entry fees etc and being unhappy/disappointed the entire week, I didn't want to see my bike. I didn't want to be seen by anyone who would ask how Speed Week went. I didn't want to have to suffer the humiliation - all the training, all the build up and this was my result. I felt like a complete failure. I tried but couldn't do the workouts assigned for that week and finally realized that I was too far gone - I didn't have the heart to trust that my time and effort would be rewarded with progress/results.

The question I now have is this:  how much accountability do I have in my training if I'm paying someone to work with me? If I'm responsive, I ask questions and let my concerns be known, have I played my part? Should I have questioned more, pushed back more?

I know this particular coach has had good success with other athletes - and as a side note, I think this coach is an awesome person - maybe I just require a different kind of training? But, it's all numbers, right? The numbers don't lie.

Is it fair to hold a coach accountable for a huge hole in your training program when it compromises your season goal?

Can I start over - is there any point to that given that the season will be mostly over by the time I catch up to everyone else?

So, that's where I am. I'm not done for the season; I've let go of the bitterness and most of the heartache that came with this experience. But, I'm kind of flying blind without declaring a goal - probably because I'm afraid to.

TGIF - 4/19/2013

The Carl Dolan Memorial Race - we hate it but we love it. I hear people speak of this race with both opinions, sometimes in the same sentence. The things we love include the class that DC Velo always puts into their events, the recovery tent (complete with Nutella, the nectar of the gods), the fun lead cars, the quick results and random touches like Ryan running around in a Curious George outfit asking if we're curious about clean energy. The things we hate - well, hate is a pretty strong word, so lets just call it the things we don't love: the inevitable headwind on the backside of the course, the fact that the course makes it so hard to shed weaker riders, that godforsaken turn at the bottom where everyone (at least in my experience) hits the brakes and causes a domino effect in the field, and the inevitable terrible crash(s) that happen(s) every year.

Some teams make this their goal race with all hands on deck. This year, many raced a partial squad with teammates disbursed to Battenkill. There are always the one-offs and, with Evolution, the two-off. We staged a decent field of Senior Women with a solid Novice women starting a minute behind us. Unlike most years, the race started at the gun with American University dragging the field in single-file for the first lap and a half. This was not going to be the normal cookie-ride to the sprint. When AU pulled off, we had various volunteers to keep the pace fairly high. ABRT had 3 in the field and staged more than one attack and counter attack move. We (Kelley and I) were glued to their respective wheels with a keen eye on Artemis, who has won just about every race she's entered this year. A few laps in they called a prime so I thought it might be a good time to test out the legs. I wanted to gauge that hill and how long I could hold a sprint. (I use the word "sprint" very loosely here). 

The test was a good one -I figured out that if I went before 400m, I couldn't hold the power to the line. Good to know.

At one point toward the end of the race, ABRT launched an attack that turned into the makings of a break - all teams were represented and once we had a gap, I thought it might stick. Unfortunately, no one wanted to commit and after about a half a lap, we all came back together.

Kelley and I covered the attacks that looked dangerous but otherwise tried to stay out of the wind. By the end of the race, we were both in good position through the last turn. The field played chicken as we came up the hill until the 500m line. I found myself on the left side as the field surged. Unfortunately, everyone wanted to be on the left so I was trapped in traffic. I saw Kelley fly up the right side as I finally cleared a line. She had a gap and would have taken the "W" - but had an asthma attack 100m from the line. She coasted in for 5th as I cleared the line in 8th place.

We'll take the top 5 and top 10 for now ... but we're gunning for more.

TGIF - 4/12/13

Usually I look forward to Fridays. They tend to be low key; roll in a few mins late, leave an hour or so early. I'm often the last one standing on Friday at 3:30pm. Then there's the anticipation of ride/race plans for the weekend and a whole two days without adult supervision to look forward to.

This week work has been kicking my arse - between playing IT girl (how did the accountant become IT?) and implementing a new payroll system, I'm fried. And today I have been plagued by employees who have some issue or another and I have apparently become Miss Fix-it. No real time to work through race plans and my grand plans to book lodging for Speed Week have all but disappeared. I suppose this is why we call it "work" and not "fun".

So on to the stuff I want to talk about: this weekend is a big one - the first two-fer of the season ... Chantilly on Saturday and Dolan (or Richmond Int'l) on Sunday. So far it's been a mixed bag for me. A good start at William and Mary in Feb. At Black Hills I did my best not to chain-ring a bride-to-be that landed in front of me and wound up chasing the rest of the race. Morgantown was an interesting experience that included cracking BOTH my 303s. Thank you to Haymarket Bicycles for handling the crash replacement process! Nothing quite like discovering the damage and being able to lean over to the next car and say hey, Jared, I'm gonna need a set of 303s. Jeff and Jared stripped the wheels and, aside from the monetary cost, I didn't have to do a thing.

Jeff Cup was all Jeff Cup tends to be. It was a gorgeous day to be on the bike and after a fairly spirited pre-ride, Team Evo was ready to rock. I know I haven't been training to peak at Jeff Cup so I didn't have huge expectations. Somehow I found myself on the front leading the first lap. I really need to work on hiding in the draft but there I was and no one was coming around. On one hand, it wasn't terrible to go my own pace up the hill. On the other - as my coach said - DON'T DO THAT AGAIN.

We survived the first two laps with relatively no issues. Dana and Kelley are both super awesome at finding the right place to be and staying there. Again, I have to learn these skills. I'm so trained from prior race lives to take care of teammates and to do the heavy lifting that I forget to be smart about ME. Laura from Velocita jumped early and I put in a good dig to chase - then sat up muttering to myself "I don't know what the eff I thought I was doing". I think someone giggled at that. A lap later, Jenette put in two hard attacks and I happened to be on her wheel both times. What can I say -when I find a wheel that I know is strong and steady, I usually stick there. Anyway, I used a couple matches to chase onto her, only to have the field latch on shortly thereafter.

We rounded to start lap 3 where things were just starting to get spicy. Katy (ABRT) jumped a couple times and eventually had a few seconds on the field. We gave chase only to be neutralized right before the last little bump leading to the right turn into the hill. We waited what seemed like hours. In reality it was probably about 10mins. Enough time to have lunch and answer a call from nature if necessary. I had enough time grab some honey stinger gummies and roll over to Avenell from BikeBeat to chat about blogs.

They finally set us free and it went off like a bat outta hell. Because my luck is what it is, I couldn't get clipped in and wound up at the back going through that corner. The leaders attacked as we came into the hill and my legs said "no, thank you". I cursed and chased but to no avail - I was off the pack.

Teammie Gwenn had slowed to latch me back onto the pack going into the turn so as we both slowly dropped off the pack, we teamed up to pick off other riders. We stuck together for a good while until some guys came by (Philbilly was in there!)  and I latched onto them. All was well there until it went vertical and I couldn't match their speed so I came to that winery-turn again all by my lonesome. After catching another guy (VeloWorks?), we paced each other to the finish where, when I crossed the line, I asked "am I done here?". They said yes and I blessed them.

The good out of all of this is that Team Evo had 2 in the top 10 for the 1-2 Category! Dana was 9th and Kelley had an awesome race to wind up in 10th. I can be happy for whatever I might have contributed to those finishes and come back to race another day. That day will be tomorrow.